Just Engage in the Lord's Service. Never Fear!

Once during the month of Kārtik, we were at Śyāma-kuṇḍa of Sree Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha in Māyāpur sitting at the lotus feet of most dear Śrīla Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāj. All devotees were in ānanda by taking the darśan of his sweet and smiling lotus face and by receiving his merciful glances. While kirtan was going on, I was sitting just next to his lotus feet. Then I start to pray to him internally, looking at him:


Guru Mahārāj, what will I do? I see that Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura made this Gauḍīya Maṭhas only to give shelter to male devotees. They can live in the maṭha peacefully engaged in their sevā and bhajan. They don’t need to worry anymore about their own maintenance since the maṭha will provide them with anything they need. In this way, they have your shelter, but what about someone like me, a woman devotee? There is no shelter for me in the Gauḍīya Maṭha. I also want to just engage my life in hari-bhajan and service to vaiṣṇavas.


In this way, I was just lamenting and looking at Guru Mahārāj eye to eye; without opening my mouth, I prayed to him in this way because I knew that he could hear my heart. He was also looking at me fixedly.


Then the kirtan finished and every devotee came to give to Guru Mahārāj pranams. When I came to offer mine, he looked at me and said very emphatically:


"Don’t be afraid, Supreme Lord Himself will arrange everything for you! He will give you anything you need. You just engage in His service. Never fear!" I was perplexed to confirm that he could hear my prayers.


Then another time in Kolkata Maṭha, I was also very worried because I was seeing that Guru Mahārāj each time was in a more internal mood and speaking less and less to us. I was feeling really sad thinking that in a short time he will never again be able to talk to me. Then the time for evening darśan came. When I came in front of him to receive the prasād given by his own loving hands he told me:


“I am always with you; permanently I am there in your heart. Don’t think that I will be away from you.”


By these two facts and many others, he showed me that he is completely Antaryāmī. He knows everything that is going on in our present hearts— past, and also future. And his love is as huge and deep as Śrī Nityananda Prabhu’s love. I don’t see the difference. 


By telling me these kinds of things, he encouraged me to take shelter fully in Supreme Lord and surrender to Him only. And by doing this is the way how you can become fearless in life. That is the quality of a devotee.


All glories to Guru Mahārāj!


—Rāseśvarī Dasi

Guru Maharaj speaks with Raseshwari Dasi, Kolkata

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